Behaving to Belong

I’ve never been a fan of rock music, so when my neighbor invited me to a Boston concert, I politely declined.

 “Oh, come on,” he encouraged. “Everyone’s going. You’ll have fun.”

Wanting to remain in good standing, I conceded. The band took the stage to a deafening crowd. Lights flashed, guitars screamed, the bass beat in my chest. As predicted – not a fan. 

But then. A teenage boy and his father playing air guitars and shouting every word in unison. A group of older guys pumping their fists and high-fiving when familiar chords ushered in a new song. All six of my neighbors, drumming with their empty hands to Foreplay/Long Time. 

I started to get caught in the collective enthusiasm. I couldn’t resist any longer.  By the middle of the concert, I was riding the wave. I was one of them - a true rock fan.

The next morning, eager to relive the excitement of the previous night, I downloaded Boston’s Greatest Hits. But, something was different. The songs that had brought me to my feet just twelve hours earlier didn’t sound the same. Could it be the atmosphere had obscured my judgment?

Quite often, I have found myself swept up in the movement of a crowd - in social gatherings, work settings, and faith spaces.  I am quick to join most displays of communal joy or outrage.  Give me a concert, sporting event, protest, or ceremony, and I easily absorb the energy of the masses.

Ideas and behaviors are contagious, and most of us have an inclination toward being led and influenced. It starts innocently in quiet and subtle ways. We laugh at jokes to be polite. We blend into office culture. We conform to religious customs. We don’t want to be seen as difficult or make other people uncomfortable. The danger is that sometimes the jokes are at the expense of other people. Sometimes, the work practices are toxic. Sometimes, we blindly follow an ideology without understanding what’s truly being promoted.

Honest examination is difficult.  We often rationalize our involvement, pushing aside internal discord. We’ve already invested so much time, energy, and emotional resources. We’ve put too many chips on the table to fold.

One of the deepest human needs is to belong. So, when we slap on that bumper sticker or join that movement, we get a hit of belonging. This desire to fit in makes it difficult to be objective, to examine the message under the surface, to call out injustice. If we aren’t attentive, we can find ourselves in monocultures where a small number of people have the majority of the influence. It’s easy to abandon our own integrity and succumb to swarm intelligence when we are receiving a narrow field of information.

There are times when it’s fun and harmless to be carried away by the emotion of the room. When a group or organization is healthy, the ability to easily adapt is an asset. However, when we are enticed simply by the rush of inclusion, we tend to outsource our own knowing. We can find ourselves behaving and believing simply in order to belong.

For the record, I kept More Than a Feeling on my playlist. Because obviously - one of the greatest songs ever.